gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
