Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
