dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
