no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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