I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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