Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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