Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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