Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize