Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
the liver wants what the liver wants
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
