I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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