Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
