You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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