Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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