its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
