eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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