When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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