Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
