smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
