"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
