dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize