Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize