Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
