dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize