I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
