apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
