Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
