...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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