i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
