We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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