When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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