The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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