meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
