I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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