In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
