Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
