If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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