wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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