Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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