dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
