can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
