Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
