Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
