3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
