Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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