i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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