You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
