matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
