She said her name was "party"
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
