There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
