You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
