drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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