I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
