I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
