I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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