so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
