ugly people sure do ruin things
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
