I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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