so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
