just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
jump out the window naked night went bad
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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