If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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