I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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