I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
