I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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