Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
