Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
