So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
