She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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