I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
